About I fell off my horse

I fell off my horse is just about an ordinary young woman who is very much into horses, trying to live an awakening life with all challenges included and happened to be blessed to share this life now with her mare Ari.

I live in Switzerland, my parents are from Serbia so I basically grew up with two mentalities. To be honest, I don’t really know what I am and I don’t really care. Does it really matter? Well, looking at the world it often seems it does. All the boundaries, all the struggle, war, environmental problems, pollution and destroying of our planet, which by the way is more severe than most people would imagine. The false media, that makes sure people are kept in their fears, loss of identity and helplessness. It bothers me, it bothers me a lot and sometimes it makes me so sad and angry that the pain seems unbearable. When I reach this point, which happens on a regular basis, I have to remind myself that all this pain doesn’t have to do anything with the outer world but is all arising within me. Which makes it even more complicated. It is very easy to blame the outer world it’s not so easy to look within and realize that we have, every individual on this planet, the capacity to change the perception of our very own life and that we hold the key to a fulfilling life. This takes courage, bravery and a lot of self-reflection and healing on every aspect of our lives.

And then there is the other side of life, the true, real, authentic life…for me, the life of horses. No time, no judgment, no thinking in the sense that we human know, just being. Mark Rashid says this beautifully in the documentary “the path of the horse”: “Mind is like still water. If you develop a mind like still water that reflection becomes very clear, if your mind is very clear things become a perfect reflection of what they really are, instead of us assuming there is something else.

Well, I don’t know for sure, but I guess Mark Rashid lives a life in the country side, in peace with himself and with his horses, truly living in the moment far away from civilization as we are used too. What about all the humans who are not so blessed to live with their horses or family and friends completely independently from the outer world. What about the ones who are struggling with family issues such as depression, abuse, and constant despair? The ones who are trapped in the system, the ones who believe are dependent on the income of the outer world to survive, and I include myself in this group. I have not, yet, and I am not sure for now if I want to, escape  from that civilization. At the moment I am living in the city, I have a job I don’t like, trying hard to provide the best possible life for my horse, trying to be a good family member struggling with depression in my life and a lot of people around me, even if these people are not aware of it. Mark Rashid is absolutely right in what he is saying, but for many people the way to get where he is, is a bit more complicated. It is not easy to have a mind like still water if the world around you, especially the very close ones are struggling so much or if they live a life more asleep than alive. But it is possible and the reward is so high. I am not talking about a reward like an Oscar, a promotion, a house, car or anything that is measurable, it’s a reward of feeling. A feeling of peace within, a feeling of freedom, a feeling of individuality, a feeling of creativity, a feeling of connectedness, a feeling of unconditional love! My very dear friend Beva http://healingwithbeva.com/ helped me find my way back into my own life, taking responsibility, care of myself and healing of my wounds as painful as it is. And believe me, it is painful. My mare Ari is everyday healing a small part of my soul, but only if I am willing to listen. If I am willing to slow down, if I am developing a mind like still water. It’s an ongoing journey.

This blog is not only about horses, this blog is about my life and my very own experiences and it happened to include the most precious gift, the gift of being healed by horses. There is absolutely nothing that I can teach horses, on contrary, I can only learn from these beautiful, sensitive beings. Horses live in the now, if we humans let the energy flow as it is supposed to flow, we can learn from horses and live in the moment as well. Because, if we do live in the now, there is no yesterday and there is no tomorrow, there is no time, is life not meant to be this way?

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I don’t always live in the now, I do live a lot in the past and do live a lot in the future. But if I think about it, the most amazing moments I have ever lived are the ones with no expectations, no pressure, no time. Which doesn’t mean all is fairy tale, super nice and fun. No, it just means true authenticity, living the moments as they are. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter. It is true! I cannot save the world, I can only save myself. The more I focus on the bad around the world the worse it gets inside of me. The more I focus on my well-being the world all of a sudden seems a better place and all of a sudden the most beautiful, unexpected, magical things happen to our lives. This  doesn’t mean I close my eyes from the outer world, on contrary I am very much aware of what is going on and I can see things much clearer. But I can only change something for the better if my inner being is at peace. What if we all would focus more on our own well-being rather than focus on the outer world?

Katarina

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