Dare to be yourself

In theory change sometimes seem so easy. The reality though often looks different? Why?

I think it’s because our belief system and our fear of change. Our fear of being ourselves as we are. Our fear of the unknown, our fear of loosing control, our fear of loosing security, our fear of not being good enough, ultimately our fear of not being loved for who we really are.

This year has probably been the most challenging one. It’s no surprise though, there is a global shift in energy taking place right now. And a lot of people are struggling with it. Just look at what’s going on in the world and especially in Europe with the refugee policy. We’re all in it together!

This August I reached a point where I knew I had to change and shift my energy. Maybe I would have never taken this step if Ari wouldn’t had been in my life. She again showed me very clearly that something is not right. Poor girl, only now I realise what I have been putting on her shoulders. Horses are very sensitive, social herd animals. So, whenever we take our horse out of the herd, the horse is seeking our connection, not necessarily because they like us or want to be with us, often they do not have a choice, but because they cannot survive alone. They are always looking for connection in order to feel save. And since they are very sensitive and highly spiritual beings they immediately sense our state of mind and our whole energy field.

I often hear, when you are with horses you have to be positive and you can’t be in a bad mood. I agree to a certain extend. But if you are struggling with certain unresolved things in your life, which we all do from time to time, this means your flow of energy is blocked. You can have the best intentions when with your horse, you can even be in a good mood but if you don’t deal with your issues nothing will change really. You can tell yourself as much as want that everything is ok, you might even think that things are ok, but until you have not released this energy block, things will not change.

Just an example, maybe there are certain things happening over and over again in your life which you do not like. It’s like a cycle you can’t break through. And you wonder why it is always happening to me. Well, this means that there are certain situations in life that you deal with in a certain way. And this is usually something you learned or have been told to. It’s like your brain has been programmed in a certain way and if certain things happen to you, you emotionally react in a certain way. And this emotional reaction has a certain vibrational energy which is either high (bliss) or low (depression). And what we really want is a balanced flow of energy. So in order to break through this cycle you basically need to reprogram your brain and emotional state. Well, since we are not machines we can’t just press a button and change this program. It took us years to build this certain program and it will take time to change it.

So, for me it is more important to be authentic rather than trying to be happy when I am not, because then I am just covering something up which is still inside of me. I am lying to myself. Change is happening when you accept all parts of you. When you accept what is going on and when you accept yourself as you are. When you do accept there is usually an action involved that you have to take. Only then a shift in your energy field might happen. You have to live very consciously and pay attention to your emotional responses and reactions.

I would say the connection between Ari and myself was already quite deep and our main activity was and still is going for walks. One day Ari would just stop and not move anymore. She stood still like a stone. I tried everything, and there are things I did that I am not proud of. I tried to push her, pull her, seduce her with treats. Nothing! Stillness. Of course, I could have tried with harder measures, but Ari new already that I would never hurt her and she new that she is allowed to tell her opinion without fearing the outcome. I was angry, sad, felt worthless because all I wanted was to go for a walk. Well, since I felt this way in my life already  at that time, of course I could not have a different experience with Ari. She was very consistent, it was like she was saying, no way I am going to do that with you anymore. And of course she was right, again.

This was happening for maybe 2 weeks until I finally got her message. She was saying be still, your mind is too busy, I can’t and I don’t want to be with you when you are like that. And she was absolutely right. My vibrational energy level was very low, and what happened is that I projected my vibrational state on to her. In that period I was tired all the time, lazy, frustrated, sad, angry, anxious and so was Ari.

What did I do? I started to solve my issues, and my issue was that I was not living what I was thinking or what I truly was, because I was afraid of the outcome. I was not living my spirituality, which for me means nothing more than just truly being myself. Truly expressing my inner being, and it doesn’t matter if the outer world agrees to it or not. I have to live what is true for myself and this also meant taking action. You can not just think of changing something, without action.

I often read how the horses are mirroring us, and very often horses are used in all kinds of therapeutic institutions. Especially nowadays this kind of “use” of the horse is very common. And I truly believe they do mirror us, but also think we have to be really careful, because usually there is not much in it for the horse. On contrary, the horses absorb all our issues and problems and traumas. But who is helping them? They are usually left alone to deal with these things. I guess there are horses who can deal better with it but there are probably a lot of horses who suffer a great amount of psychological trauma because of this use.

This is what was happening very unconsciously with me and Ari and I felt really guilty. So, now it was my job to make sure that I don’t put my issues on her anymore. It’s not her story and it shouldn’t be. So, I got my shit together and started to clear my mind again. And it did not take too long until I felt a change with Ari too.

Slowly Ari became more and more alive and active, she became this confident beautiful horse, who likes to express herself, who all of a sudden likes to be more playful and shows her beauty and pride. Also her look has changed somehow. The expression in her eyes has changed, they are alert, big and full of curiosity. She is more brave and starts to express herself for what she is. Only recently we started to run and play together in pasture, I did not know that Ari can rear up! Oh yes she can and she is so proud about it. We really have fun together. The first time we did it felt like the other horses were perplex somehow, and were just standing there and looking at us. Her friend actually really soon started to join us. And maybe some people will say it might be dangerous what I am doing. I don’t think so at all. Because in these moments I am absolutely present and in the now, and so is my reaction. And all reaction is happening just naturally, without thinking just doing. I think it’s even more dangerous when we try to be someone we are not, when we try to copy someone we are not. Because then we are not ourselves and then our reaction is based on a technique of someone else and so too much thinking is happening. And the present moment gets lost in thinking.

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I truly believe this change has only been possible because I give my horse the freedom and I don’t expect anything from her. I encourage and motivate her. I trust her and I accept her as she is with all her good and bad sides. And yes we have our disagreements but I try to not emotionally respond to them. And Ari is doing the same with me. Horses do mirror us, but we also mirror our horses!

Dare to be yourself for the well-being of your horse!
Katarina

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